Mentor On Ration

For those of you who don't know, I am a 9th grade English teacher.  A student approached me yesterday and told me that a friend of hers (also a ninth grader) wants to have an abortion.  She asked if I could write the little girl a letter saying what a blessing my children are and how an abortion is not the way to go.  I couldn't tell her who I was because my job does not permit me to talk to students this way...but they need it.  I don't mind sharing this with the world because God is so good and he redeems the unredeemable...here it is:

To the young girl who needs this,


I was once a teenager. I defied my parents to see boys, hung out with my girlfriends, skipped school, had so much fun, and honestly didn’t think much about what it may cost me later. I somehow made it through those years of unprotected sex, heartache, rape, giving my whole heart to boys who didn’t appreciate it and being pissed at my father for not being there and not caring without serious damage…or so I thought.

The damage was inside. I’ve always been a smart girl and could get through school easily without being there and without studying. My mom really didn’t know what I did. She knew I wasn’t perfect, but I was able to keep a lot of my “fun” hidden. I drank, smoked weed, and had no respect for myself or others (although I thought I did at the time).

I went to college and visited a friend in Louisiana. My ex-boyfriend of 3 years was down there, and he heard that I was visiting. I saw him, we had sex (I didn’t even want to…I just thought that was the deepest way to show affection), and I felt horrible because I didn’t even like him like that anymore. I came home, and I was living with 3 friends at the time…a month later, I didn’t get my period.

I went to the drug store, got a test and sure enough, I was pregnant. I didn’t know what to do, and all I could think of was how I wasn’t ready to have a baby, what my mom would say, what my friends would say and what my ex would say. (Notice…I didn’t one time think about the child that was inside of me…just myself and my own needs).

I called my ex and the first thing he asked me was where he needed to send the money for the abortion. He didn’t ask how I felt, what I wanted to do, or even think about his responsibility in this. If I got an abortion, I would have to live with it…not him. He would be free to go on, but it would be my body that would be violated. I would be the one killing my child (I know that sounds harsh, but lets call it what it is)…not him. I was so scared that I let fear make my decision instead of my heart, and I went to the clinic.

The whole time the nurses were telling me that it was my body and I could make my own decisions. Deep inside I knew they were wrong because at just six weeks inside my stomach, the baby was already developing eyes, ears, a nose, a mouth, arms, legs and it had a heart beat. If something is alive, it has a heart beat. I ignored them, but I also ignored myself because I knew that I was being selfish and killing my baby.  I was just not ready. They gave me a pill, and I went home and took it. I lied to my roommates and told them that I was having really bad cramps and not to bother me. I laid in my room, by myself as my baby bled out of me. The pain was horrible, but my heart hurt worse.

I kept this a secret from people for about 6 months until one day…I just couldn’t. My friends told me that they knew something was wrong because I stopped taking as much pride in my appearance…my hair wasn’t as cute, I wore less makeup and I threw on whatever was on my floor. I didn’t even notice.

Eventually I went to a group that was supposed to help people that had abortions. I was only 24, but there were 50 year old women there that had lied to themselves since they were teenagers that suffered from an abortion and what it does to you. Some women couldn’t have kids now that they wanted to, and they were afraid it was because of the abortion(s). At the group I learned that what I did was wrong and it was bad, but there was a God out there that loved me unconditionally and forgave me…the key was forgiving myself and living my life for Him, handling situations the way that He wanted me to handle them and not the way that I wanted to.

I learned that what got me into the situation was wrong, but the baby was innocent. The baby deserved to be here whether I raised her, a family member raised her, or she was put up for adoption. Either way…it was not my place to end her life, and deep down inside, I knew that. I was supposed to trust that God would give me the strength, money, time, help, and patience to take care of my little girl. (I've always felt like she was a little girl; her name would have been Sabel).

After my abortion and my new relationship with Jesus Christ, I decided not to have sex until I got married because I wanted to give Him glory and  I was being irresponsible…enough to end up hurting my own child. I didn’t want a situation like that again, and I knew I wasn’t ready to raise one, so I stopped. Thank God I did because when I met the man that is now my husband, I was able to give him something on our honeymoon night that was special and not something that other men had whenever they wanted. Now I am married and have two kids: a little girl and a little boy. They make my days worth having. I may have a horrible day, but they love me…they smile at me, need me, play with me, kiss me, hug me and show me what real love is all about.

I love my life, and I love the lesson I learned from my experience so I can keep other young girls from going through the same pain and missing out on one of greatest treasures God can give. Every year I think about my child that I don’t have…and I miss her.

From someone who has been in your shoes…
Don’t follow mine…