A School Bus is NOT Yellow!

As I was taking my little ones to daycare this morning, we stopped next a large school bus at the light.  My son, who surprises me every day with his 2-year old knowledge, looks over and says, "Mama, bus...bus...yellow...bus."  Here lies my dilemma.

THE SCHOOL BUS IS NOT YELLOW!  What have we been told from the time that we could walk?  The school bus is yellow.  It is yellow in books.  It is yellow in drawings, but it is not yellow in person.  It is orange.

Now you may be wondering why I'm stressing over this small life detail.  Because how often are we expected to go along with something simply because society tells us that it is the right thing to do.  What if it is not true?  Are we still expected to accept the non-truth, so that no one gets uncomfortable?

There are certain lifestyles I don't agree with, and there are ways that people raise their children that I don't agree with.  There are ways that people dress and things that people say that I don't agree with.  There are ways that people treat each other that I don't agree with.  There are certain beliefs that I don't agree with.

I have a basis (the bible, I know for some of you that is another post entirely, but please read on...) for all these things that I don't agree with...they are not because I'm trying to be difficult.  But if I were to speak against these things in a loud way, some would call me intolerant.  They would say I'm being mean or rude.  This is not true.

I can love people and not like what they do.  I can serve and care for those whose lifestyles I don't agree with.  I can befriend those people who don't raise their children in a way I believe is right or who live their life through a set of beliefs I don't agree with. 

I can love these people, but I don't have to agree with them, and if they love me in return, I don't have to fake it.

So, look people, I'm tired of calling the school bus yellow because it isn't, and I told my son that it was orange today and I'm happy I did....

Hope ... Loudly

Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=851

So, the other day I watched a DVD by Louie Giglio.  It was a 2-part message that I thought was amazing.  So amazing...I'm going to share it with you. 

There should be no argument that life is full of trouble.  Real Trouble.  The kind that has you look around and wonder how you got to that place.  The kind of trouble that we don't have an answer or a quick fix for.  The kind of trouble that hurts. 

If you are inclined to believe what the Bible says like I do then this is confirmed in John when it says that trouble is coming to ALL of us.  That sucks.  I know, but the question is how should this trouble be dealt with.

Louie made a great point in this message.  He said that we speak the loudest to world in the midst of our suffering.  He said that Jesus spoke the loudest to the world in midst of His suffering.  If what happened at the cross never took place...would we remember Him?  Probably not.  It was the ultimate sacrifice and the most painful way to die at that time in history.  They even went the extra mile for Him because he claimed to be God...

When I'm suffering, I try to speak the message that I truly believe in my heart:

• God is good, even if my definition of good doesn't make sense for the situation. 
• Suffering is my servant; I'm not a servant of suffering.  I will use my pain to further my message which is ultimately God's message to love people through it and grow more like Him.  I will use it; it will not use me.  I will be stronger after it and prepared for the next stage of my life.
• I will test what is truly in my heart by noting my response to trouble.  Do I crumble?  Do I trust?  Do I love?  Do I push away?  What do I do even when people are not watching me?

The love that I experience on a daily basis from my family is amazing, but the provision, love and joy that I receive from Jesus, even if I don't always immediately recognize it, is so much more.

What do you do when trouble comes?  How can you make suffering your servent and not the other way around?

It Takes A Lot of Faith

Motivation for a Better World

Teaching in today's public schools gives you a real sense of where the world is headed.  Don't get me wrong, some students eventually blossom into mature people with real goals and good heads, but there are so many that don't. 

A LARGE number of my students have parents that had them when they were students and either didn't finish or barely finished high school.  These are parents that can't help their kids with their homework on subjects that they possibly never made it to. 

Not only that, but I have had students that have told me their parents actually made fun of them for getting up and coming to school every morning.  How long do you think this young person will last? 

This is the burden that I carry.  I'm good at my job.  I connect with the students.  I teach them what I know, but I'm soooo tired of it.  I'm torn between staying, helping, and leaving for something that will be more comfortable, but make less of an impact.

How do you know what the right move is?  Where is the satisfaction in helping when you are so tired of seeing the same stuff and feeling like you are getting nowhere with a confused generation.  Where is the guidance for them outside of school?  How will I prepare my children for a world that is set out to corrupt and discourage them? 

I really don't know.

This is where faith comes in. 

I could go on, but I want to hear your thoughts on this.  What are some of your answers to these questions?

So I Was Called A Willow Tree...

Last week, I decided to go to a service for women at a church that is near my house.  It is not my church, but they have an awesome women's service and my husband was helping to lead worship.  (I'm setting this up so the rest of this post doesn't seem odd. 

As I was leaving, a woman stopped me and asked if I had a minute.  I did, and she asked me if I was familiar with the scripture about the tree planted next to the water.  For your reference, it says,  "He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." Psalm 1:3.

She then told me that the bible often refers to oaks, but that I was a willow tree.  At first I didn't know how to take it and I'm still figuring it out, but, after some research, I found out a few things about willows:

• roots are known for their toughness, size, and drive to live and find moisture
• at full maturity, they are larger than most oaks
• their trunks have different "strands" that intertwine and wrap around each other
• they can be gorgeous
• without attention, the leaves can overwhelm the rest of the tree

How does this relate? 

I long to have deep roots, to not be moved by whatever comes along, but, instead, be planted and solid. 

I long to grow and mature into a woman that loves life, her family, God, and people.  I want to make a difference in the world, but first, in my own backyard.

There are many complex parts to me and that can seem overwhelming, but they work together and "intertwine" to make up who I was created to be.

I'll take gorgeous any day.

I have to be careful to not just pay attention to others, but take time for myself.  Trim my branches and tend to my overall well-being.

This really encouraged me and I would suggest that you take the time to figure out what tree represents who you are or who you want to be.  OOOH! and I have an idea...tell me about it!

When There's Nothing to Write About...

Generally, I try to end the day with writing.  Usually this means writing an article for one of the companies that I freelance for or writing a poem.  Tonight...I can't think of anything to write.

Because I think it is important to write anyway, I'm going to talk to you bloggers and readers of blogs.  I read today in a blog titled "The Mr. Rogers Guide to Blogging from the Heart" that blog followers read your blog because they sense that you care about them on some level.  Not just because you are teaching them something. 

After thinking about this for a bit, and agreeing to a certain extent, I asked myself how the reader would ever be able to tell that you cared.  I think the answer to that is making sure their voice is heard.  Their thoughts and opinions are especially imporatnt...

I blog because a friend told me I should.  There I said it.  I have never had much confidence in my writing ability even though I was always a strong editor, but a friend of mine believed in me enough to say that she would read a blog that I wrote...so I did.  I read blogs to become a better blogger.  Then, as I read, I start to get to know my blogging community and find myself genuinely interested in what's happening in their lives.  I also, just want to be entertained some of the time.  I appreciate an honestly entertaining blog like Where Sky Meets Ground, a blog I recently began following.

Here are your questions:

1. Why do you or don't your blog?
2. Why do you take the time to read blogs?
3. What information do you find most helpful from a blog that you've followed?
4. Any other thoughts or comments?

Embrace the Unexpected: A Nice Break in a Snowless Winter

OK, so this post isn't really about snow.  Now don't get me wrong, it definitely was inspired by snow, and I even included pictures of our fun, expected snow to keep the theme going.

The winters of your life can get mighty cold.  Unfortunately those winters can come suddenly and without warning.  (This may seem odd to some of you because winter is a non-stop season, but in Austin, TX, it feels like winter one day and, the next, you are putting sun block on your cheeks and avoiding layers because they are too hot!)  At times, these winters can be dull, confining and relentless, but then...it snows. 

All of a sudden, your cold is accompanied by unexpected beauty and fun...the kind that only comes every 2 to 3 years. (Once again this may seem odd to people who have not experienced Austin weather, but we really only see real snow that sticks every 2 to 3 years...if that.)

My point is that a break in the ongoing stresses of your life is not only wanted, but needed.  The real beauty is that you have more control over your 'snow day' than you think.

The keys is to truly distract yourself, even for a few hours, allowing time for your mind and body to refuel and face the hard things once again.  If you can't think of anything (probably because you are stressed) try some of these:

• Spend undistracted time with your family (if your family is the source of your issues, I would advise against this).  Allow yourself to be totally present and have fun.  They probably have not seen that side of you in a while.
• Have a friend date or a self date.  Go with your girls or guys and do something fun.  Don't talk about your stresses, simply go.  If finances are part of your stressors, then take the time to plan something cheap and fun.
• Work Out.  I know many of you are saying to me that you barely have the energy to get up and go to work...much less work out.  Well, you would be surprised what happens when you make your body happy.  More energy, more confidence, and more relaxation.
• Pray.  Maybe you don't have faith in something greater than yourself, but I would strongly suggest that you try praying.  God particularly likes to wow those who don't believe in Him...as long as you give Him a chance.

If you are due for a snow day like me, take it.  Your winter may still be cold when its over, but your new found energy will make the difference in your attitude and outlook.

What do you do to get you breaks in life (snow days)? 

 

(Did anyone but me notice that this car was driving on the sidewalk?)

To Freelance or Not to Freelance...That is My Question At Least!

Photo Credit: Umbrella by Salvatore Vuono

http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/Money_g61-Umbrella_p12310.html

You may be content where you are.  I think that is awesome.  I'm not so content...career wise of course.  Don't get me wrong...my family is wonderful.  Just the other day my husband willingly canceled his plans with the guys.  He set me on the couch, turned on 24 (currently on season six) and threatened that if I got up, I would have to deal with him.  I let him believe that was a viable threat that produced such fear that I wouldn't dare defy him...that's how you make a marriage work! :)

Anyway, my point is that I want to write...period.  But freelancing is a scary thing.  Unless you are in a place of no worries (i.e.  spouse makes great money so that your money is just icing), a steady income is a reasonable request. 

Well I'm doing my research, and even though I'm not at a place where I can make this happen or make a real decision, I wanted to share some of my research with you in case you have questions and concerns like me. 

Breaking Into The Business

The websites that give me the most information about really getting my feet wet are:

Copyblogger - Full of great information about copywriting, but also just writing in general.  I subscribe to have these emailed so I'm sure not to miss them.  Regardless, you are usually trying to promote or sell some sort of idea in your writing, so copywriting is a valuable skill.

Freelance Writing - This woman takes you on her journey of transitioning to freelance, but provides sound, valuable information on every aspect of freelance writing.  (I subscribe to this one too).

I know there other great ones out there, so please tell me about them in the comments.

Freelancing in the Meantime

In the meantime, when I'm not amazed at the deterioration of our world as seen through my ninth graders (morbid I know...it's been a looooong day), I'm doing some freelancing on the side.

Demand Studios - You have to apply, but they provide a never-ending supply of articles that get you a flat fee of $15/article.  May not seem like much, but you quickly learn how to crank out an article ever 45 minutes which is a nice time/money exchange rate.  To date, I have published well over 45 articles in my spare time over three months. 

Suite101 - This is an online magazine that allows you to write about whatever you want, and you make income as people go to those articles.  It isn't much for a while because it is more of a long term gig.  The more articles you get up, using the right keywords and techniques, the more views you'll get.  It's not for everyone, but it allows you to write!  Also they have very good tutorials on keywords and SEO optimization for your articles.  Check out my writer's profile if you want a better idea.

Associated Content - Very similar to Suite101 except you can either get paid by page views or submit the article for upfront payment.  I haven't been contributing to AC as much because I like the Suite101 set up better, but it is still a viable writing outlet. 

Branding and Business

One of the best blogs I have read to date about the arts, business and branding is Regina Rhythm.  She explains art of creative entrepreneuership and has great tips on setting yourself apart and getting your name out there.

Reading Great Blogs

Reading great blogs helps you become a better writer and allows you to make real connections online.  A quick list of some great blogs that I read are:

When My Heart Leaks, My Pen Speaks - So witty and fun...I'm just waiting on this blogger to write a book!

Jill Kemerer - Great insights on writing in general, but specifically she focuses on romance and the use of it in your writing.  Everybody needs a little romance.

Steph in the City -  Fun looks at life's realities as well as good writing information are provided in this blog. 

Through My Eyes - This blog soothes my deeply creative and poetic side.  She offers wonderful poems and deep thoughts with every post.

The Write Worship - Beautifully written every time I read it, this blog is positive and inspiring.

Please give me feedback on what you've read, and I always appreciate more resources.  What do you think and feel about freelancing?

Writing Because I Love It...

Currently, my day to day consists of getting cursed out by teenagers, babysitting adults and juggling state requirements with district preferences...A.K.A...I teach public high school.  Although I know that there are students there that connect with me and have seen me as a mentor for years, trying to explain to a 16 year old in the ninth grade why "I" failed him instead of a 38 being the grade he earned on his own is not my first career choice.

It is writing.  It is writing that drove me to start my editing business.  It is writing that drives me to write my editing blog.  It is writing that keeps me up past midnight after my children have gone to bed, ignoring the full time job beckoning me that same day, to release my need to string words together in a way that makes sense and print them on a page.

If you could do what your heart desired as a career right now...what would it be?

Do You Have The Valentine's Day Reds?

I don't want to call it the blues because it is definitely not!  It's the Reds.  It's the warm fuzzies for those you love.  It's the appreciation for all those people that genuinely care about you in your life. 

Do You Have The Reds?

You know you have the Reds when your son finally chooses you over his daddy (and not because he wants something)!

(JayJay - Almost 2 Years)

You know you have the Reds when your daughter sleeps through the night and in her own crib...ALL NIGHT!

Don't Let the Cute Fool Ya!

(London - 6 Months)

You know you have the Reds when your husband takes out the trash and cleans the kitchen with absolutely no prompting.

(Yeah, He's Cute Too!)

Sill I Ask, Do You Have The Reds?

If you are not expecting the world to bend at the knees and hand you its splendor on February 14, but you do expect to smile and spend some time with the ones you love...you have the Valentine's Day Reds

...And I'm so grateful for them.

Is It Hormones or am I Crazy? How to Deal with Your Emotions

You know when it feels like something is dancing all over the very thing in your body that's keeping you sane?  It could be because I'm a mom and a wife with a lot on her plate, but there are distinct times when my top is about to blow and I don't even understand why!

When times like this occur, I'm in a state of constant confusion about what to do.  Do I take it out on my unsuspecting, undeserving husband?  Honestly I do sometimes, and it usually feels good because that insatiable need to act out my emotions is getting fed, but it isn't right.  Do I take it out on my sweet children?  That is half of what is wrong with most parents today. 

Those are the easy ways out...I avoid easy because it is usually wrong.

It is hard to face your own ugliness and easy to succumb to the emotions flying through your body like a bullet speeding until something forces it to stop.  Sometimes I use certain methods to stop the bullets before they hurt anybody like prayer and distraction.  Most of the time, the barrier I build is enough, but there have been times that the force is so great, the bullet shoots straight through it and someone else stops it.  Just like a real bullet, that usually hurts; at times, it has been fatal.  I like to call those relationship shredders. 

The best thing to do when those moments are upon you is to:

• stop, clear your head, and seriously consider the impact of your actions
• try to consider all of the amazing things you have to be grateful for 
• pray for peace 
• physically say that you are calm and OK out of your mouth
• until you are ready to say something productive, don't say anything

Don't allow a moment of emotion to tear down any relationships in your life.  What do you do when you are overwhelmed with emotion?

What do you give...

When you really need to reach down and give something  you don't think is there, what do you do?  It is the tendency of some to just give up, walk away, and give nothing.  It is the tendency of others to give until they are drained to the point of bed ridden life living.  I think the key is balance. 

I love it when I begin writing these things and I answer my own questions.  I know it seems as though I begin writing with a purpose in mind and I tried to be clever by starting out with a question.  Then somehow I cunningly insert a wise thougtht and BAM! I've taught the world something.  It's not like that.

This morning I felt like I had nothing more to give to my family, my job, or anyone else, but when I asked myself what kind of person I was, I decidedly answered that I was the one that never stopped giving.  I'm realizing as I write this that is unhealthy in so many ways and so, now, I think the key is balance.

We have to learn to set boundaries and tell people how we feel.  Assuming they know or can discern is setting yourself up for failure.  Even when these people are dependent on you (like your children), reach out for help from others when  you need a break.  It is so important to have a little left to help rejuvenate. 

Mentor On Ration

For those of you who don't know, I am a 9th grade English teacher.  A student approached me yesterday and told me that a friend of hers (also a ninth grader) wants to have an abortion.  She asked if I could write the little girl a letter saying what a blessing my children are and how an abortion is not the way to go.  I couldn't tell her who I was because my job does not permit me to talk to students this way...but they need it.  I don't mind sharing this with the world because God is so good and he redeems the unredeemable...here it is:

To the young girl who needs this,


I was once a teenager. I defied my parents to see boys, hung out with my girlfriends, skipped school, had so much fun, and honestly didn’t think much about what it may cost me later. I somehow made it through those years of unprotected sex, heartache, rape, giving my whole heart to boys who didn’t appreciate it and being pissed at my father for not being there and not caring without serious damage…or so I thought.

The damage was inside. I’ve always been a smart girl and could get through school easily without being there and without studying. My mom really didn’t know what I did. She knew I wasn’t perfect, but I was able to keep a lot of my “fun” hidden. I drank, smoked weed, and had no respect for myself or others (although I thought I did at the time).

I went to college and visited a friend in Louisiana. My ex-boyfriend of 3 years was down there, and he heard that I was visiting. I saw him, we had sex (I didn’t even want to…I just thought that was the deepest way to show affection), and I felt horrible because I didn’t even like him like that anymore. I came home, and I was living with 3 friends at the time…a month later, I didn’t get my period.

I went to the drug store, got a test and sure enough, I was pregnant. I didn’t know what to do, and all I could think of was how I wasn’t ready to have a baby, what my mom would say, what my friends would say and what my ex would say. (Notice…I didn’t one time think about the child that was inside of me…just myself and my own needs).

I called my ex and the first thing he asked me was where he needed to send the money for the abortion. He didn’t ask how I felt, what I wanted to do, or even think about his responsibility in this. If I got an abortion, I would have to live with it…not him. He would be free to go on, but it would be my body that would be violated. I would be the one killing my child (I know that sounds harsh, but lets call it what it is)…not him. I was so scared that I let fear make my decision instead of my heart, and I went to the clinic.

The whole time the nurses were telling me that it was my body and I could make my own decisions. Deep inside I knew they were wrong because at just six weeks inside my stomach, the baby was already developing eyes, ears, a nose, a mouth, arms, legs and it had a heart beat. If something is alive, it has a heart beat. I ignored them, but I also ignored myself because I knew that I was being selfish and killing my baby.  I was just not ready. They gave me a pill, and I went home and took it. I lied to my roommates and told them that I was having really bad cramps and not to bother me. I laid in my room, by myself as my baby bled out of me. The pain was horrible, but my heart hurt worse.

I kept this a secret from people for about 6 months until one day…I just couldn’t. My friends told me that they knew something was wrong because I stopped taking as much pride in my appearance…my hair wasn’t as cute, I wore less makeup and I threw on whatever was on my floor. I didn’t even notice.

Eventually I went to a group that was supposed to help people that had abortions. I was only 24, but there were 50 year old women there that had lied to themselves since they were teenagers that suffered from an abortion and what it does to you. Some women couldn’t have kids now that they wanted to, and they were afraid it was because of the abortion(s). At the group I learned that what I did was wrong and it was bad, but there was a God out there that loved me unconditionally and forgave me…the key was forgiving myself and living my life for Him, handling situations the way that He wanted me to handle them and not the way that I wanted to.

I learned that what got me into the situation was wrong, but the baby was innocent. The baby deserved to be here whether I raised her, a family member raised her, or she was put up for adoption. Either way…it was not my place to end her life, and deep down inside, I knew that. I was supposed to trust that God would give me the strength, money, time, help, and patience to take care of my little girl. (I've always felt like she was a little girl; her name would have been Sabel).

After my abortion and my new relationship with Jesus Christ, I decided not to have sex until I got married because I wanted to give Him glory and  I was being irresponsible…enough to end up hurting my own child. I didn’t want a situation like that again, and I knew I wasn’t ready to raise one, so I stopped. Thank God I did because when I met the man that is now my husband, I was able to give him something on our honeymoon night that was special and not something that other men had whenever they wanted. Now I am married and have two kids: a little girl and a little boy. They make my days worth having. I may have a horrible day, but they love me…they smile at me, need me, play with me, kiss me, hug me and show me what real love is all about.

I love my life, and I love the lesson I learned from my experience so I can keep other young girls from going through the same pain and missing out on one of greatest treasures God can give. Every year I think about my child that I don’t have…and I miss her.

From someone who has been in your shoes…
Don’t follow mine…

While you don't have kids...

I love it when people complain to me about how little time they have.  Just wait until you have kids.  Just wait until you have to use the bathroom, but you can't because your child needs you more.  Just wait until you forget to eat because you are too busy feeding them.  Just wait...

OMG!  I sound like old people!  I'm grateful for my kids.  They bring me joy every single day.  Just two days ago my 20 month old boy heard his mommy's phone ringing, saw that I was tied up feeding his 3 month old sister and went to answer it for me without me saying a word!  Talk about the sweetest thing ever!

We have to be so careful to not turn bitter and complain about our blessings.  While you don't have kids...sure live it up, but when you have kids, you can still make time for what you care about.  You can still start a business, pursue a new career, go back to school, learn karate...whatever and you'll feel better for it.

Here are some practical steps for still living your life:
1.  Get on something that closely resembles a routine - I know things won't be perfect, but more often than not, you will have more time to devote to other things.
2.  Set attainable, short-term goals for yourself - If you know there is a mission to be accomplished, you will more than likely make it happen.  If you constantly talk about what you are going to do, it will never get done.
3.   Be prepared and realistic - If you know that your goal calls for internet and you don't have any, it is not realistic to think that you will have 2 hours to go spend at Schlotzky's when you have children and other responsibilities at home.  Gather what you need before hand and be prepared when opportunities present themselves.
4.  Utilize free time wisely - When I have a day off away from the kids, the only thing I really want to do is lounge and get rest.  Sometimes that is exactly what you need to do, but if it is not one of those moments, it is time to do what you need to do to be prepared.  Make phone calls, go to the store for supplies, brainstorm, etc...  The wash will still be there tomorrow and so will the kitchen...your ideas may not be.

You may feel like you have no time and you don't even have children...the same steps apply.  Children just make it more interesting.

No Hopeless Poetry

Lately I have found myself having to fight hopelessness.  The ironic part is that there is NO reason to be hopeless, and I know that.  Why do we entertain thoughts that are irrational?  I always tell my husband that it is ok for a rational person to have irrational fears (this usually pertains to my extreme and silly fear of insects and small animals), but now I'm second guessing my claim.

If there are real signs and there is traceable evidence that shows God's goodness, mercy and grace then why am I afraid?  Why am I tempted to write dark things that will perpetuate my deceitful emotions?  If I truly belief what God's word says (which I do) then why act contrary to my belief?  It makes no sense. 

So...in conclusion...it is not ok for a rational person to have irrational fears IF that person does not check it at some point.  It's not ok to be complacent in them because those comfortable fears will begin to taint precious places in your life and ultimately keep you tied down, away from your purpose.

Hopeless Poetry
I can’t live my life with a passion for no passion

I can’t live my life with joy on a ration
A hope for a new thing my life will fashion
Because
poetry is what I do…
And I’m sick and tired of hopeless poetry
Sick and tired of the blues with no music,
Sick and tired of the bruise in my heart
As those hopeless words fly like darts
And try to impart a world of sorrow.
To hopeless people…
Words we underestimate
So they sneak up in our vulnerable states
Words of hate there to create descent…
So trust is snatched away and
your heart becomes cement…
Hopeless poetry terrorizes our minds
Makes negativity benign
And grinds our dreams to fine dust
And dust is light, so our dreams go with the wind
And now hopeless poetry has got us pinned
In a cycle that never ends…
Not good enough, not smart enough
If you were smarter you’d be better,
You’d be better if you were smarter…
Hopeless poetry has got us pinned….
But what exactly is hopeless poetry
Not just words that strangle your growth,
It’s the fear that plagues you,
The moment when you said “I hate you”
Not caring for him, disrespecting her
Letting circumstances take you back to what you were
Poetry in motion
With its devotion to the desperate,
Preying on your heart, Unforgiveness, and regret,
Is hopeless poetry’s sillouette
And I’m sick and tired of hopeless poetry…

In the midst of it all...

When we go through things in life, regardless of if they are fair or not, we have to deal with them head on.  We can't run because, eventually, it will catch up; we can't hide because, eventually, it will find you.  There are so many times when my preference would be to give up and say I'm done, but is that reality?

Of course not, you can never really give up unless you check yourself into a mental institution (which has been known to happen).  Life still happens in the midst of it all.  Work still happens in the midst of it all.  Friends still happen in the midst of it all.  Family, ministry, goals, relationships, etc. still happen in th midst of it all.

We have to allow ourselves to flow in the midst of it all in order to stay sane, keep our faith and not focus on ourselves (not saying that is a bad thing because sometimes the focus has to be on us for healing and restoration)

Let's be about our Father's business and let him take care of ours.

What are some ways that you can keep going and continue being productive, normal members of society in your current situation?

Small Business Owner

I now have a title...I'm a small business owner.  For so long, I have sat in the background and watched people pursue things that seemed to make them happy.  I think sometimes dreams can seem so far away, but they really don't have to.

At first, I was nervous and overwhelmed because a lot goes into organizing and planning a business.  Then I made peace with it, took some time and hashed it out.  If it weren't for Regina it wouldn't have happened!  I'm so excited about it.

It is called A Penny For My Thoughts and it is an editing business.  The key is that my company is more affordable than other freelance editing businesses because it just costs a penny per word!  Check it out at http://www.pennyformythoughts.net/.  Also, I have a weekly blog that is updated every Monday with tips and helpful lessons for writers.  That can be found at pennyperword.blogspot.com. 

Do you have any business aspirations?  What are they and have you taken any steps to see it fulfilled? 

Purpose of My Blog

I titled this blog in such a way that you could be deceived into thinking that I would be telling you the purpose of my blog....I wish I could.

I'm asking all of you who may read this, who know my strengths and my weaknesses, what is the purpose of my blog?  What SHOULD be the purpose of my blog?  What would be most helpful, needed, wanted in our lives right now?

I'll be waiting and in the meantime, I will post all the randomness that is in my head. 

So Bad Things Do Happen To Good People

This age old question seems to hover around our minds and ultimately taunt our hearts.  Why me?  Why not someone who "deserves" it?  Isn't that what we are really saying?  We are implying that someone else deserves this more than we do.  Although I would like to see myself as a good person, the truth is that I have lied, cheated, stole, murdered in my heart, and acted ungrateful at some point in my life.  Some would tell me to not sweat it because that is only human.  EXACTLY!

Aren't we all human?  Haven't we all fallen short of God's expectations?  So, if that is the case, who am I to say that someone else deserves this pain more than me?  Sure it hurts and I DON'T want it.  I don't even want to write about this because I have then acknowledged the very thing that could have been my excuse to sulk.  But it has to be exposed.  If it isn't then I'm stuck and God is too good for me to be stuck.

Our purpose in our pain is not always clear, but that is why bad things happen to "good" people...it's the purpose.  There is one regardless of what you believe. Unfortunately, if you don't believe that this world was divinely created with a purpose then your pain really is purposeless and that makes it hurt even worse.  Through my pain, I am learning how to identify with the One that endured pain for me.  I am learning what it means to sacrifice and love those who have ultimately hurt me.  I'm in training for the moments in this lifetime when someone, anyone needs to have the decency to stand up for someone who may or may not "deserve" it.  I'm putting myself in a place where God can use me in any situation. 

That means the payoff is huge!

That means the withdrawl I can make after this time of pressured deposits is exponentially more lucrative than before.

Thank you God!

If life was all about feeling good and getting what we wanted, how would we learn anything?  If that was really what life was all about, who would be helped?  Sure things would feel better more often, but as soon as you attempted to dig deeper inside yourself to see what was really there, you would be left empty, disappointed and scared that what you see is really all there is to you.

I won't have that problem.

Love, Sacrifice, and Border-Line Abuse

You may be wondering to whom I am referring when I use a word as strong as abuse...ME and every teacher that has stepped foot in a classroom to sacrifice his/her time to educate the youth of America.  There are certain individuals in the world who truly know what I'm talking about when I say teachers are tired, but most of America has no clue.  I'm done hearing that "but you get summers off" crap (excuse my frankness).  If I didn't get summers off then I wouldn't be able to effectively teach our children or live a normal life without going crazy.

I'm tired of being completely disrespected, cut off and cursed out by a 13 year old who then turns around and asks me for help on an assignment ten minutes later.  And guess what???  I help them..I want to kick them in the throat, but I help them.  Someone please feel my pain.  It is so humbling and such a lesson about this life NOT revolving around you when you must serve those who don't appreciate you.  Today my team of teachers and I told a kid that we cared about her and all she could ask us is why...

I told her that I had no clue because the way she was acting, I just wanted to wash my hands and be done! 

I wish I didn't have to care, but at the end of the day I know that I'm going to do whatever possible to help these children.  I'm tired of hearing my students talk about who is now pregnant and how her mom is "tripping" because she is mad about it.  I'm tired of students coming in with doctor's notes because they have a STD and had to be out for a few days.  I'm tired of 14 year olds walking around and acting like they are married in the hallways...doing things that my husband and I don't even do...and don't get me started on what goes on in the bathrooms.

How can I put my kids in a system like this?  How can I equip them to be leaders and not followers?  How can I know that what I'm telling them is really sinking in and they won't be living an infectiously poisonous life?  I don't know and I don't have the answers to my questions.  I don't know if anyone does.  I don't, but I have faith in who does and He is already making the arrangements...

Hero Husband [Poem]

Hero Husband


Leader: a person who rules, guides, or inspires others

to be great and to see their identity,
as they bask in the amenities of a man led
by something greater than words that men said.
Not a life steered by death,
but a life steered by breath
that was blown from the lips of El Shaddai.
Now walking uprightly is his reply
and his rely on love is constant and stable,
no longer consumed by types or labels.
A man whose fidelity to his master is known
and whose actions are unaltered in a crowd or alone.



A leader, a lover, a safe haven, a friend,
who’s respected;
a mere husband his roles transcend.
A fighter, believer, a warrior of life;
the backbone of his peers, his family and his wife.

So...I have been slapped in the face by reality...

So...I have been slapped in the face by a reality today...one that I have not ignored, but simply just forgot about. I'm writing this so that all of you other women out there that take care of a million things a day, have very little time for yourself already, and are already pushed to the limit in the key areas of your life can add ONE more thing to your plate...

Be a mom, sister, and/or friend to a young woman.

There is a need in our society for female fellowship. The world says that women are NOT supposed to be friends...instead we are supposed to compete. We want to know who is the sexiest, prettiest, finest, most intellectual, most accomplished, etc... This is a lie and we have taken in large spoonfuls of crap that separate, isolate and ultimately dislocate us from our purposes in this life.

Now I'm not talking about some feminist walk all over everybody and burn our bras (because somehow they are the symbol of man's conventional oppression) mentality. Instead I'm talking about a connection, one that has been overlooked yet longed for since human beings roamed this earth.

Perspective is the key to taking time out for another woman in your life. If you look at it as just one more thing to do, then that will be exactly what it is, but if you genuinely work to start a relationship, one that brings you joy, it will turn out to be exactly what you needed.

Outside Looking In...

I have a lot of labels. I have become more and more aware of them as time has passed, bills become due, family calls, children cry, and job demands. It is an amazing and exhausting thing to not live for yourself. Instead I live for everything and everyone and think about my needs later. When does later come...you may wonder...WELL, so do I. I have no clue when later comes.

Please don't get discouraged because by no means am I trying to discourage you or pollute your view on the future. There is a beauty to it, a maturity that it brings. Not living for yourself has a way working out your problems. For example, if I feel fat, I forget about it the next time I have to make lunch for my son. If I remember that I haven't had a pedicure since the New Testament was written, I forget about it the next time I have to grade papers for 150 9th graders that think I'm old at the ripe age of 27.

Even though it may sound like I'm complaining...ok maybe I am a little...I really do love my life. How boring and pitiful would it be to just have me to focus on all day long. I've lived with myself for 27 years and, sure there are things I want to do for myself, but ultimately I know those things will go towards the good of my family and friends...the people that love me and the people that I love.

So to sum up...I need more time for myself, but not at the expense of those who rightfully count on me and hopefully as I better myself, I will better their lives as well.